Bluey Reported Missing After Haitian Migrants Move In
Sept 12, 2024 2:33:44 GMT -5
Post by Midnight on Sept 12, 2024 2:33:44 GMT -5
Bluey Reported Missing After Haitian Migrants Move In Next Door
World
·
Sep 9, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
BRISBANE, AUS — A local six-year-old identified as Bluey Heeler has gone missing. She was last seen pretending to be a Granny named Janet in front of a house full of Haitian immigrants, say authorities.
The local community has reportedly pointed the finger at the Haitian neighbors because they just moved in next door to the Heeler family and Bluey went missing the very next day. Police have called on the public to remain calm and suggested that it's racist to assume Haitians are responsible just because they are Haitians.
"They eat dogs! I've seen it!" said Doreen, a local Great Pyrenees, and family friend to the Heelers. "You should check their bins! They probably ate her and threw the bones away!"
Meanwhile, Bluey's father Bandit held a televised press conference in which he addressed the alleged kidnappers: "I don't know who you are or what you want," he said. "If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you."
He continued, "If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
Bluey's mother Chili is reportedly out searching the woods every night, looking for any sign of her daughter. "She might just be playing magical statues out there — waiting for someone to come find her..." she said, hopeful.
Anyone with information about her whereabouts is encouraged to contact the Brisbane Police Department.
link
World
·
Sep 9, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
BRISBANE, AUS — A local six-year-old identified as Bluey Heeler has gone missing. She was last seen pretending to be a Granny named Janet in front of a house full of Haitian immigrants, say authorities.
The local community has reportedly pointed the finger at the Haitian neighbors because they just moved in next door to the Heeler family and Bluey went missing the very next day. Police have called on the public to remain calm and suggested that it's racist to assume Haitians are responsible just because they are Haitians.
"They eat dogs! I've seen it!" said Doreen, a local Great Pyrenees, and family friend to the Heelers. "You should check their bins! They probably ate her and threw the bones away!"
Meanwhile, Bluey's father Bandit held a televised press conference in which he addressed the alleged kidnappers: "I don't know who you are or what you want," he said. "If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you."
He continued, "If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
Bluey's mother Chili is reportedly out searching the woods every night, looking for any sign of her daughter. "She might just be playing magical statues out there — waiting for someone to come find her..." she said, hopeful.
Anyone with information about her whereabouts is encouraged to contact the Brisbane Police Department.
link
