Baptists Propose New, More Modest Women's Uniforms For Next Olympics
July 27th, 2021 - BabylonBee.com
U.S.—With Olympic teams like the Norwegian Women's handball team expressing interest in more modest Olympic attire, American Baptist women have debuted their proposed uniforms to be worn by U.S. Women in the Olympics 4 years from now.
"We are so happy to see a renewed interest in modesty," said Patricia Jenkins, leader of the women's ministry of Bible Baptist Temple in South Bend Indiana. "Women don't have to dress like sex objects when they compete. With our new hand-made denim jumpers, America's female athletes can wear something much more dignified when they represent our country! They won't be able to run too well, but really—winning isn't everything. Godliness is everything."
Pastor John MacArthur of Grace to You ministries has endorsed the uniform, saying he may even watch the Olympics in four years if the women are wearing jean dresses.
Olympic authorities loudly objected to the proposal, saying the uniforms are not nearly sexy enough and may detract from their perverse enjoyment of watching barely clothed women compete in athletic games. Their statement was cut short, however, when the earth swallowed them up and dragged them straight to the depths of Hades.
The Olympic committee has outsourced the uniform decision to a team of local deacons, who are expected to come up with a decision within a decade or so.