Netflix Will Now Pump Septic Waste Straight Into Living Room
Sept 9, 2020 23:45:36 GMT -5
Post by Berean on Sept 9, 2020 23:45:36 GMT -5
Awesome: Netflix Will Now Just Pump Septic Waste Straight Into Your Living Room
September 9th, 2020
LOS GATOS, CA—Streaming giant Netflix has announced a new and innovative service that will literally just pump thousands of gallons of septic waste right into your living room. For the low price of $8.99 per month, you can watch as a sewage truck backs up to your house and pipes 2,000 gallons of brown sludge through the wall until you are neck-deep in toxic waste.
"The industry is evolving, and we're evolving with it," said Reed Hastings, co-CEO and chairman of Netflix. "We started to realize we were paying people millions of dollars to produce expensive septic waste for the family to enjoy and consume unquestionably. As it turns out, you can get the putrid sludge straight from an underground tank for free! Who would've guessed! This will cut billions of dollars from our expenses and enable us to deliver more sewage to your home than ever before!"
The CEO also said not to read too much into the new service: "It's not a metaphor or anything. It's just raw, pure, untreated sewage."
Enthusiastic Netflix customers have jumped on this new service and are gleefully rolling in their slime-coated living rooms. "I don't like all the waste," said one excited parent. "But sometimes, it doesn't smell all that bad. Definitely worth the $8.99 per month!"
Starting next year, Netflix will also offer a more premium service that allows you to have your septic waste delivered by a real-life drag queen.
link
September 9th, 2020
LOS GATOS, CA—Streaming giant Netflix has announced a new and innovative service that will literally just pump thousands of gallons of septic waste right into your living room. For the low price of $8.99 per month, you can watch as a sewage truck backs up to your house and pipes 2,000 gallons of brown sludge through the wall until you are neck-deep in toxic waste.
"The industry is evolving, and we're evolving with it," said Reed Hastings, co-CEO and chairman of Netflix. "We started to realize we were paying people millions of dollars to produce expensive septic waste for the family to enjoy and consume unquestionably. As it turns out, you can get the putrid sludge straight from an underground tank for free! Who would've guessed! This will cut billions of dollars from our expenses and enable us to deliver more sewage to your home than ever before!"
The CEO also said not to read too much into the new service: "It's not a metaphor or anything. It's just raw, pure, untreated sewage."
Enthusiastic Netflix customers have jumped on this new service and are gleefully rolling in their slime-coated living rooms. "I don't like all the waste," said one excited parent. "But sometimes, it doesn't smell all that bad. Definitely worth the $8.99 per month!"
Starting next year, Netflix will also offer a more premium service that allows you to have your septic waste delivered by a real-life drag queen.
link
