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Post by baydoll on Aug 12, 2011 8:04:24 GMT -5
Another funny one out of Barbara Johnson's book. This time from Dave Barry...
"I'm not sure how a MAN could ever understand menopause, but I think Dave Barry came pretty close when he wrote this hilarious definition:
...(The change) is the stage that a woman goes through when her body, through a complex biological process, senses that the woman has reached the stage in her life where her furniture is much too nice for her to have a baby barfing on it. So the body stops producing estrogen, which is the hormone that causes certain distinct female characteristics such as ovulation and the ability not to watch football.
This bodily change is called 'menopause', from the ancient Greek words meno (meaning your skin sometimes gets so hot) and pause (meaning "that it melts tuperware").
Also some women tend to become emotional and easily irritated by minor things that never used to bother them, such as when their husbands leave a partly used meatloaf sandwich in bed, as though the Meatloaf Sandwich Fairy were going to come along and pick it up for him.
The traditional way to cope with menopause is to ask your physician to prescribe costly pharmaceuticals, but of course these can cause harmful sid effects...So more and more health experts are recommending a 'holistic' approach, in which you develop a deeper understanding of the natural process that your body is going through and then, with this newfound knowledge as your guide, you stick the meatloaf sandwich into the breast pocket of your husband's best suit."
;D
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Post by PrisonerOfHope on Aug 12, 2011 13:38:12 GMT -5
I LOVE Dave Barry! ;D
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Post by baydoll on Aug 15, 2011 7:18:31 GMT -5
I like him too. Here's another one of his:
"How To Drive Like A Geezer"
“You should grip the wheel tightly enough so that you cannot be detached from it without a surgical procedure, and you should sit way down in the seat so that you’re looking directly ahead at the speedometer. You should select a speed in advance—23 miles per hour is very popular—and drive this speed at all times, regardless of whether you’re in your driveway or on the interstate. Always come to a full stop when you notice a Potentially Hazardous Road Condition such as an intersection or a store or a sidewalk or a tree. If you’re planning to make a turn at any point during the trip, you should plan ahead by putting your blinker on as soon as you start the car.”
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Post by shann0 on Aug 15, 2011 11:37:59 GMT -5
;D
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Post by PrisonerOfHope on Aug 15, 2011 12:48:44 GMT -5
Well, obviously people in the South who want to drive like geezers don't heed his advice; they almost never use turn signals down here! Someone needs to tell them that the story about there being a world-wide shortage of blinker fluid is an urban legend.
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