Dave Barry on Menopause...
Aug 12, 2011 8:04:24 GMT -5
Post by baydoll on Aug 12, 2011 8:04:24 GMT -5
Another funny one out of Barbara Johnson's book. This time from Dave Barry...
"I'm not sure how a MAN could ever understand menopause, but I think Dave Barry came pretty close when he wrote this hilarious definition:
...(The change) is the stage that a woman goes through when her body, through a complex biological process, senses that the woman has reached the stage in her life where her furniture is much too nice for her to have a baby barfing on it. So the body stops producing estrogen, which is the hormone that causes certain distinct female characteristics such as ovulation and the ability not to watch football.
This bodily change is called 'menopause', from the ancient Greek words meno (meaning your skin sometimes gets so hot) and pause (meaning "that it melts tuperware").
Also some women tend to become emotional and easily irritated by minor things that never used to bother them, such as when their husbands leave a partly used meatloaf sandwich in bed, as though the Meatloaf Sandwich Fairy were going to come along and pick it up for him.
The traditional way to cope with menopause is to ask your physician to prescribe costly pharmaceuticals, but of course these can cause harmful sid effects...So more and more health experts are recommending a 'holistic' approach, in which you develop a deeper understanding of the natural process that your body is going through and then, with this newfound knowledge as your guide, you stick the meatloaf sandwich into the breast pocket of your husband's best suit."
;D
"I'm not sure how a MAN could ever understand menopause, but I think Dave Barry came pretty close when he wrote this hilarious definition:
...(The change) is the stage that a woman goes through when her body, through a complex biological process, senses that the woman has reached the stage in her life where her furniture is much too nice for her to have a baby barfing on it. So the body stops producing estrogen, which is the hormone that causes certain distinct female characteristics such as ovulation and the ability not to watch football.
This bodily change is called 'menopause', from the ancient Greek words meno (meaning your skin sometimes gets so hot) and pause (meaning "that it melts tuperware").
Also some women tend to become emotional and easily irritated by minor things that never used to bother them, such as when their husbands leave a partly used meatloaf sandwich in bed, as though the Meatloaf Sandwich Fairy were going to come along and pick it up for him.
The traditional way to cope with menopause is to ask your physician to prescribe costly pharmaceuticals, but of course these can cause harmful sid effects...So more and more health experts are recommending a 'holistic' approach, in which you develop a deeper understanding of the natural process that your body is going through and then, with this newfound knowledge as your guide, you stick the meatloaf sandwich into the breast pocket of your husband's best suit."
;D
Someone needs to tell them that the story about there being a world-wide shortage of blinker fluid is an urban legend. 
