Parody: The Affordable Yacht Act
Nov 8, 2013 14:23:17 GMT -5
Post by PrisonerOfHope on Nov 8, 2013 14:23:17 GMT -5
Parody: The Affordable Yacht Act
By Abraham Zion
The U.S. House of Representatives and the Senate has recently enacted the "The Affordable Yacht Act" declaring that every American citizen must purchase a new yacht, by April 2014. The president willingly signed the act into law and affixed his name to it: It is known as the Obamayacht law. These "affordable" yachts will cost an average of $55,000-$155,000 each. This price does not include taxes, mooring, storage, licensing and registration fees, fuel, maintenance or dry dock repair costs.
This law is enacted, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase yachts. This new laws ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" yacht of their own, because in an egalitarian society everyone is "entitled" to a new yacht. If you purchase your yacht before the end of the 2013, you will receive four "free" life jackets not including monthly usage fees.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable yacht, the costs of owning a yacht will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This principle ensures that wealthy people will pay more for something that other people do not want or cannot afford to maintain. However, to be fair, people who refuse to maintain their yachts will be regularly fined and “children” under the age of 26 can use their parent’s yachts to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own yacht.
If you already have a yacht, you can keep yours--just kidding; no you cannot. If you do not want or do not need a yacht, you are required to buy one anyway. If you refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 each month until you purchase one. If you cannot pay the fine you may be imprisoned. It's only fair.
Failure to use the yacht will also result in fines. People living in the desert, mountains, ghettos, inner cities, or areas with no access to lakes, rivers or oceans are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge, or lack of desire are not acceptable excuses for not sailing your yacht.
A government review board under the auspices of the IRS (that does not know the difference between the port, starboard, aft, or forward of a yacht) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your yacht. These eugenics panels will also decide how many people can ride in your yacht and determine if and when you are too old or infirm to be able to use your yacht. They will also determine if your yacht has out lived its usefulness to society and the government. Periodically, by official determination, you must purchase specific accoutrements, such as a $1500 navigation system or an updated GPS system so the government can find you if you are lost at sea or in the website. When your yacht logs 50,000 nautical miles, you must purchase a new and more expensive yacht. Your old yacht will be donated to a less fortunate, undocumented seafarer identified by the government.
Government employees and the Congress are exempt from this new law. However, if they want a yacht, they and their families can obtain yachts free, courtesy of you, the taxpayer. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.
So hurry to your nearest computer and log on to Obamayacht. gov and try to log on. It may take s dozen or more tries, but eventually you may be able to purchase your mandatory yacht.
Happy sailing! Your government cares.
link
By Abraham Zion
The U.S. House of Representatives and the Senate has recently enacted the "The Affordable Yacht Act" declaring that every American citizen must purchase a new yacht, by April 2014. The president willingly signed the act into law and affixed his name to it: It is known as the Obamayacht law. These "affordable" yachts will cost an average of $55,000-$155,000 each. This price does not include taxes, mooring, storage, licensing and registration fees, fuel, maintenance or dry dock repair costs.
This law is enacted, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase yachts. This new laws ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" yacht of their own, because in an egalitarian society everyone is "entitled" to a new yacht. If you purchase your yacht before the end of the 2013, you will receive four "free" life jackets not including monthly usage fees.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable yacht, the costs of owning a yacht will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This principle ensures that wealthy people will pay more for something that other people do not want or cannot afford to maintain. However, to be fair, people who refuse to maintain their yachts will be regularly fined and “children” under the age of 26 can use their parent’s yachts to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own yacht.
If you already have a yacht, you can keep yours--just kidding; no you cannot. If you do not want or do not need a yacht, you are required to buy one anyway. If you refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 each month until you purchase one. If you cannot pay the fine you may be imprisoned. It's only fair.
Failure to use the yacht will also result in fines. People living in the desert, mountains, ghettos, inner cities, or areas with no access to lakes, rivers or oceans are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge, or lack of desire are not acceptable excuses for not sailing your yacht.
A government review board under the auspices of the IRS (that does not know the difference between the port, starboard, aft, or forward of a yacht) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your yacht. These eugenics panels will also decide how many people can ride in your yacht and determine if and when you are too old or infirm to be able to use your yacht. They will also determine if your yacht has out lived its usefulness to society and the government. Periodically, by official determination, you must purchase specific accoutrements, such as a $1500 navigation system or an updated GPS system so the government can find you if you are lost at sea or in the website. When your yacht logs 50,000 nautical miles, you must purchase a new and more expensive yacht. Your old yacht will be donated to a less fortunate, undocumented seafarer identified by the government.
Government employees and the Congress are exempt from this new law. However, if they want a yacht, they and their families can obtain yachts free, courtesy of you, the taxpayer. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.
So hurry to your nearest computer and log on to Obamayacht. gov and try to log on. It may take s dozen or more tries, but eventually you may be able to purchase your mandatory yacht.
Happy sailing! Your government cares.
link
