The other day I ate some rather extraordinary Thai food for lunch and, on my way out, grabbed a fortune cookie. I cracked it open and read a silly little proverb meant to inspire, I suppose. I wish it had said "A brisk uphill walk after all-you-can-eat Thai is a bad idea." Never mind. As I waddled my way home, regretting that last bowl of curry (so delicious...), I thought "This fortune sounds like something Joel Osteen would say." And then it struck me--there is very little difference between Joel and those fortune cookies (except that the cookies are delicious, of course). And now, to prove it, I will give you these twelve quotes. You tell me which are from the fortune cookies and which are from Joel Osteen.
November 2015 Update: This is now "quizzified" and updated with recent Osteen quotes. All of his quotes were posted to his Twitter feed within the past 2 weeks.
Note: Many, many fortune cookies were harmed in the preparation of this quiz.